just tell him i said nine months
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
