I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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