Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
