You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
