everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize