someone threw a dead crab at me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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