just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize