Do you still have your period?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
