i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
