so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
