I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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