No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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