3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
