Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
