Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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