I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
