you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize