She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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