I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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