it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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