quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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