You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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