Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
