there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
