I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
