That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
