Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
