remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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