I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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