At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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