Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
