You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
