so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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