my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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