after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
