I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
