I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize