dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
