He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
