there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
