Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
