Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
