You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
