Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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