so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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