K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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