A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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