dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
