Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
