I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
