I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
