you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
