You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
