Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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