I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
