I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize