you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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