WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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