Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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