Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
