That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
