Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
