I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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