i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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