We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
