I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
