The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
