i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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