It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
