haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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