I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize