what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
