I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
