So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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