Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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